Purple Lipstick: June 2016

Positive Body Image

"And I said to my body softly, "I want to be your friend." It took a long breath and replied, "I've been waiting my whole life for this."

When I asked a few of my friends what having a “Positive Body Image” meant to them, I got a variety of answers, some I was expecting, some I wasn’t, but one answer caught my attention. The answer was “being comfortable in one’s own skin”. Now this, and the idea that your body is your home and its the only home that you will truly live in, got me to start asking some questions I’d never asked myself before:

• If we put so much effort into being happy with our surroundings, then why do we not put the same effort in to loving and being happy with ourselves?

• Why does someone else get to decide when my body is finally “good enough”, and why do we allow external opinions to influence and affect the way we see ourselves?

• Why, when our bodies work so hard to keep us alive and healthy, do we try to "fix" them, sometimes to the point of damage?

After answering all of these questions, I realised that the main reason why we do all of these things, is the unrealistic images of how women and girls “should” look, that our society and the media feed us on a daily basis. They deliver photographs of airbrushed models in magazines to our doorstep, videos on “the right exercises to get a celebrity body” to our fingertips, and articles on “How to get perfect skin” are common reading material in any doctors’ waiting rooms. And the irony of it all, is that our bodies are all different, and yet we try to force them into a “one size fits all” pair of gloves, rather than celebrating the diversity of our ever-changing, ever-growing, ever-beautiful bodies.

Now don't get me wrong, I am a firm believer in working on yourself, but I believe in doing it for yourself, and not because someone told you, or made you feel like you are not good enough. Do it for your own health and happiness. Do it because you love and respect your body. Do it because you are perfect the way you are, and if people don't see that, then its their problem, not yours, because you know that the things you love about yourself and the things that you would change, all come together to create the amazing woman that you are right now, and will be in the future. So I’d like to challenge you all to take the first step today, and choose self-love, over self-judgement.

Thursday, June 30, 2016
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3 Tricks you can use to Study Abroad for Free or Super Cheap!

Purple Advice

Thursday, June 23, 2016
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Defining Modesty: What Should Women Wear?

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I remember sitting in a church service once, it was a women’s conference with flowery walls and upbeat music. The atmosphere was warm and welcoming and it felt like a safe place where magic could be sparked amongst sisters. The good vibes continued throughout the day until one woman came up and began to speak on the topic of modesty. Now, I was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, but I immediately felt uncomfortable when the preacher started to call out particular styles of dressing. Tight jeans and “spaghetti” strap tops were amongst the items condemned as being attention seeking devices to attract men. Throughout the talk I was cringing internally. Zimbabwe gets hot, that day was no different. As you can probably predict there were girls in the crowd that had spaghetti strap shirts on. Heads bowed or cardigans quickly pulled on they continued to listen to the message, avoiding eye contact with the women around them glancing over at their poor choice in outfit. Shoulders to me do not seem immodest. I believe many of the girls wearing the tops thought the same. I literally felt love leave the room. I felt safety leave the room. The preacher that spoke was not Zimbabwean.

How do we define modesty? I googled it…
“Modesty and demureness is a mode of dress and deportment intended to avoid encouraging sexual attraction in others; actual standards vary widely. In this use, it can be considered inappropriate or immodest to reveal certain parts of the body.”
Reading from this definition I think the more appropriate question would be who gets to define the standards of modesty?

Many people might believe that religious leaders should have this privilege, but where do they draw their standards from? From the Bible? (I’m singling out Christianity in this case because Zimbabwe is 80% Christian and it is my own religion so I’m trying my best to speak about something I have personal knowledge about.) Today we read the Bible in context, that is with the awareness that it was written with an early Middle Eastern society’s culture in mind. The early European church didn’t seem to mind deviating from Middle Eastern standards of modesty however they made it a point that women could not wear trousers. Where did they get this from? Today we’ve clearly deviated from both these standards but we’ve decided to place a particular ban on spaghetti strap shirts.
So if not the Bible, where do religious leaders like the pastor speaking at the women’s conference derive their definitions of modesty? In my opinion the answer here is culture. In America wearing shorts is viewed as normal in a number of communities. Conversely, growing up my grandmother literally shouted at me one afternoon for wearing shorts at home because it was so immodest. The same thing goes for bikinis, it is very rare to see a Zimbabwean woman in a bikini, whereas in a lot of countries bikinis are even worn by small children. There are parts of Africa where it is normal for women to walk around topless, in the same way it is normal for most of us to see men shirtless. Ballerina’s leotards make me uncomfortable but are celebrated in a western context.

What I want to emphasize here is that cultures and hence standards for modesty vary immensely. Even within Zimbabwe individual people groups, individual families define modesty uniquely. Therefore the intentions a girl in Epworth may have when wearing a particular outfit could vary from the intentions or thoughts a girl in Harare would have wearing that exact outfit. What this means is that even in this article I cannot dictate to you what modesty looks like. I have no way of judging your intentions and neither does a preacher on a pulpit. I’m not here to say that we shouldn’t care about what we wear and its effect on the people around us, we should! However it’s important to understand the reasons behind it, take it in context and stop shaming and trying to control other women because they do not match our personal standards.

It has to be out of a woman’s personal discretion (taking into consideration her cultural upbringing, religious views, preferences and common sense) to OUT OF LOVE think about the way her body affects the people around her. Let women think for themselves. Our bodies should not be made a shameful thing. Let’s first and foremost concentrate on showing each other love, kindness and compassion. Before you tell that girl how awful she is for wearing a short skirt, maybe think about how you would like to be approached in a situation like that. Do you have a relationship with this person or are you making assumptions from your own world view. Create safe spaces, create loving communities, cultivate understanding and mutuality. If you really think someone, mind you this applies to women and men, is intentionally sexualizing themselves think about why they are doing it and love them as you love yourself. TREAT THEM AS YOU WOULD TREAT YOURSELF. If I leave you with anything today it would be this love your neighbor as you love yourself.

In Love Always
Marly

Monday, June 20, 2016
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SELF LOVE: BECOMING YOUR OWN WONDERWALL.

student blogger

I was inspired to write this after listening to one of my favorite songs, Wonderwall by Oasis. There is this line that I kept on mulling over: Maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me and after all, you’re my wonderwall.

A wonderwall is someone you are completely infatuated with: a person who you expect to “save you” from whatever unhappiness or emptiness you feel. And I thought why can’t we be our own wonderwalls, why can’t we be completely and unashamedly infatuated with ourselves and why can’t we be the ones to save ourselves. Why do we have to wait for a superman or superwoman to suddenly come into our lives bearing jars and jars of sunshine?

We live in a world where comparing ourselves to others is the order of the day. We lust after the glitz and glam we see on social media and are forever referring to other people’s relationships, careers and looks as goals. We then completely forget to appreciate and love ourselves yet no one can love us as much as we could love ourselves.

So after thinking, with the help of my good friend Pinterest, I came up with ways we could practice self love. Here goes, I hope someone is inspired.

1. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

We live in an age where everything around us, from airbrushed pictures of models to skin lightening product adverts, points out our flaws. Despite all this, we have to realize that all is vanity and beauty is not eternal. What stays is what is within and if someone really loves you, they will love all the imperfections you come with. Embrace your body, flaws and all, and make your them your strength. As I say, flawnt it!

2. Indulge in things that make you happy.

They could be little things that bring you joy, say hearing your favorite song, eating your favorite food, tinkering with electronics or watching a sitcom. You could make mental notes on things that make you happy and when you are downcast, you can look back on them and hopefully they could make you smile.

3. Spend time with yourself.

Take time off from the world, social media includedand just rest. Be unapologetically selfish with your time alone. This is the time you can think about your goals, reevaluate your life and even make important decisions. Take yourself out on dates, read that book you’ve been meaning to and be brave enough to go on adventures alone.

4. Follow your dreams relentlessly.

There is nothing as fulfilling as achieving something you’ve you have always dream of. I once watched a ted talk about a girl who had always dreamt of being a clown and gave up a career in engineering to pursue this.(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLxMbzWm5Es) Often, our dreams come off as fanciful or absurd to others. We should not give in to society’s norms by becoming like every other ordinary Jack or Jane. Listen to your heart, block out the negativity and work on your dreams now, whatever they are, and one day you’ll be a beacon of hope for someone struggling to achieve their dreams.

5. Get into relationships that add value to your life.

Friendships and romantic relationships can be draining. And for sanity’s sake, we need to sift out people who detriment us emotionally or physically.Also, we should not get into romantic relationships hoping that this will make us happier. We should constantly have in mind the fact that our happiness should not come from or depend on anyone else.Rather, making ourselves happy should be our priority and we should never compromise on this.