It has been a while since I posted anything on the blog, and I am sure some of you were starting to wonder if I am even still a part of Purple Lipstick. Rest assured that I am still very much a part of the family, notice that I say family….because I think that is what our cute little community is. And as such, I feel at ease bearing my heart and my struggles to you, and the lessons that I have learnt in life’s more recent journey.

For the most part, I was feeling unworthy to share anything with you guys because I strive to portray myself as authentically as I can. I used to think that you can only take to a platform like this if you have walked a perfect straight road and not gone left or right. And in the last couple of months, that has not been my anthem.

Have you ever gone through an experience that felt like you had just buried all hopes and dreams you had for your life? In August 2016, I went to an interview for my dream job and went through most of the stages but I was not selected for my dream job at the final stage. I remember reading the subject line of that regret email so vividly….hot tears streaming down my cheeks. It felt like being stabbed right in the heart. I felt like I had hit rock bottom because I started working one of the worst jobs of my life shortly after that, with an unkind boss to top it all, as if life wasn’t bad enough already.  But because I was trying to get some experience and a little cash (to enhance my makeup collection) I found the strength to show up and give it my all every single day.

Those days were some of the unhappiest I have ever experienced, and I had no outlet for my melancholy. So I let all the negative thoughts I had not filtered like; “how come this is my journey”; “God doesn’t love me as much as He loves other people”; “I have the worst job in the history of jobs”; ferment and become like a dark misty poison in my soul. Soon, that darkness clouded my judgment. I began to allow the most toxic situations and human beings into my life. In a space of a few weeks I got close to someone who looking back is a snake of note, because I was attracted by his popularity. When I got tired of trying to forge anything real with a person of his inferior human quality (and I do not say this to be mean… when the haze cleared I realized that he had no moral fiber left in him), I quickly moved on to the next guy whom my close friends and I like to call “the drug dealer” because he presented a lot of drama and danger. But I thank God for grace because before I could even think about being intimate with either one of these people, He came through and loving lifted me out of those “situationships”. He did this by using someone from my past to offer me an amazing job that I did not even get interviewed for and my life turned around almost instantly.

 I always joke that God’s Grace Chopper showed up when I was foolishly swimming in lake filled with crocodiles, with a smile on my face and he rolled out a ladder for me to latch on to then He whisked me off to safety.

Although I have had to deal with the spiritual and emotional scars left by my poor choices and decisions, and I still am dealing with it…. but God has held my hand through the process, gently nudging me back into the right path. Every day the dark haze is clearing, I am learning to love myself again, despite situations in my life and to forgive myself for making negative choices. I have seen that life is only ever as bad as you allow yourself to think it is…. Looking back, though 2016 has had its challenges, it has also been amazing. There has been beauty in both the not so good days and in the best of days.

Sidebar- I took part in Zimbabwe’s first ever plus size body love fashion shoot, check out the “Chic Street” page on Facebook and you can also follow “Chic Street” on Instagram. Also, a body love blog post will be coming through soon.

Love Always

Nnoni xxx