Purple Lipstick

Its been a while since I've written on here ( i'm sorry, the team and I have been prepping for some exciting changes that you'll get to know about soon!) I honestly can't believe the year is almost over :'( I saw an advert for a musical about the Grinch on T.V. the other day and nearly fell out of my chair! Prompted by this sudden realization and a string of other events, I've decided to share a bit about a personal journey I've been on this past year and where I'm at right now.

Last week someone told me that they had been looking at old pictures of me on Facebook and that they, and surprisingly their kids too, could barely recognize me! ( side note: even though you may be tempted to think...mmmmh, that's kinda odd... its important to note that we are all secretly cyber stalkers and given a chance, I'm sure I would stalk people with my kids too if I had some!)
Anyhow this lady was so confused as to why I had changed my look so much. She thought I looked a lot prettier with longer, darker hair, and you guessed it, her children thought the same thing too! The minute she said that to me I felt a knot in my stomach. Her words echoed my own thoughts from earlier this year and awakened a fear I thought I had already overcome. Let me explain what I mean.

At the beginning of this year I undid my braids. After they were out of my hair I stood in front of the mirror and had a thought... "why do I keep hiding my own hair?" For many of you reading this who have been woke for a while, that might not seem like an epiphany at all, but for me it was the first time I'd really had that kind of thought. At the time I hadn't had my hair out for an extended period of time since early high school, and even then only because it was against school rules to have hair extensions or braids. Even when I was in the United States, where getting your hair braided costs an arm and a leg, I'd somehow found a way to always have something covering (only barely though, haha!) my natural hair.

Growing up one of my secret vanities was the fact that I hardly wore any make up. I think it gave me some sort of strange, unbelievably unfounded pride to think that I was secure enough to only wear mascara while other girls were piling on the makeup and doing THE MOST. Removing my hair extensions showed me just how shallow my self perception was and left my insecurities exposed and bleeding out. Without all the hair to cover me I could see every single pimple glaring straight at me! My forehead seemed larger and shinier than ever before and my ears didn't look quite right. I sat in front of that mirror for a very long time pulling, patting and twisting the fluffy mass on my head until finally my arms grew too tired to lift. I really want to tell you that suddenly in that moment I realized that I was beautiful just like that and I loved my hair in all its fluffiness and bells started to ring praises! However, the truth of the matter is, I placed the mirror on the opposite side of the room, switched off the lights and went to sleep.

Whatever your insecurities are whether its starting that organization you've been thinking about, or posting that piece you've been wanting to share, or maybe something seemingly superficial like me, leaving your natural hair out, you have power to subdue it! Every time you overcome your fears and liberate yourself you liberate others around you to do the same. After that evening I decided that regardless of how I felt I was going to face my insecurities head on and allow myself the freedom to choose how I saw myself. Something I found was that as soon as i became self-accepting not only did I begin to like the way I looked but other people started wanting to do the same!
I've always hated that kinky haired, dark skinned women can never be the love interest in t.v shows or movies. I hate that we grow up seeing silky straight hair as the norm and try to reconcile that to our every day lives by burning our hair with straighteners or fixing it with relaxers. I hate that I live in Africa where most people look like me but its easier to find makeup and hair products that cater for my fairer skinned counter parts than for the majority of African girls I know. One thing I've learnt is that if you want to see a change in the world you must become that change yourself. I might not be doing a whole lot but I am changing the narrative of my own life and possibly (if I ever get a boyfriend, who then turns in to a husband) even my future children's lives too!

We're coming to the end of the year and I'm happy to report that the fro is still around! I haven't completely gotten over all my insecurities, the Facebook lady made that really clear to me. However I feel more comfortable in my own skin, now than ever, pimples and all! If you're reading this I hope you can see through to what I'm trying to get at. I talk about natural hair a lot only because it was a really big insecurity of my own, not because its super important... it really isn't (depending on the context ;)) What I really mean to get across is that if you have an insecurity you're not alone! The cool thing is that when you face your insecurities head on sometimes you can affect the world around you in a positive way! This week try to identify an insecurity of yours and figure out a way you can take the power back. If you do or need help with it please let me know either in the comments or email me at wearepurplelipstick@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you so we can conquer the world together! As usual if you've gotten this far you're a legend! Thanks for listening, I genuinely appreciate it  <3

In Love Always,
Marly